Searching for hope has become harder than the most recent days we've been living through.
Wake up, work, check the news.
Pain, fear, rage wells up.
I catch my breath stalling. Falling to stillness as I see just what is unfolding today.
I go back to work. I contain. I hold myself as I hold space.
I am dazed. What is hope? What is change? Can I still say I believe in it?
I cook and I eat with my roommates.
I go lay down, I cry, I fall asleep exhausted.
I go searching for the hope within me.
I try breathing into the beliefs I know are within.
I know I can do this.
I know we can do this.
my breath still catches
(it is hard to breathe deeply, can I ever expect change?)
my heart still hurts
(my hope is hiding somewhere and right now they are so so scared)
my eyes still well up with tears
(I believe we are capable of change and understanding one another and reaching a place where we all support each other through pain)
I breathe the cold January air.
I sink my hands in the dirt.
I have no answers yet.
Maverick Lumen (they/them) is a Counsellor & Tarot reader who is passionate about seeing queer, trans, and non-binary clients step into their connection to themselves and others in the ways that excite them. Their practice is founded on lived experience and anti-oppression, all while examining how the body and mind can be connected to uncover the stories we use to create our identities.